There is a saying in Hindi which goes like “Mauth Jeevan ka Anthim Satya Hai” which literally translates as Death is the ultimate truth of life.
If someone asked me this question that does Death scare me? I would say yes
Does my Death scare me? I would reply No but
Does the Death of my loved one scare me? Extremely Yes
I am sure that this thought must have come to your mind at least once in a lifetime, and to be honest, when it does come, it just freezes you to Death. I remember we had a poem in our class 12th titled “My Mother at Sixty Six,” about a daughter’s feelings and emotions as she saw her old mother aging and how she knew that she would die soon. I can relate to that poem now during this Covid 19 pandemic which has devastated and shattered families, where people have lost their loved ones without seeing their faces for the last time. When I was young, and even today, I am scared of losing my mother, I fear losing everyone dear to me. But yet this is something we all have to face, it’s inevitable, it’s something we can’t run away from, it’s part of our life and how the balance of nature is maintained. Some face it early on in their lives, some later, but everyone has to see Death.
The very first post that I wrote on this blog which was subsequently published in a magazine titled “Broken Down” was about the rising number of suicides among teenagers after exam results, and in that, I had mentioned how a person who dies is gone, but he/she leaves his loved ones with a never-ending sorrow. And if I am honest with myself, I am indeed afraid of that sorrow. After watching a famous K-Drama “Uncontrollably Fond” which was about two lovers out of which one of them is terminally ill who might die soon. It revolves around the struggles and pain that the person who is about to die faces and the person who would be left behind with that sorrow of Death. The actor who played the ill lover’s role was Kim Wo Bin, who himself was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer in real life after this show. Fortunately, he battled it and came back alive, but not everyone is so lucky; we had Irrfan Khan, a phenomenal actor of Bollywood who died too soon again due to cancer. I don’t think I will ever understand the grief that a person has when he has just lost someone precious to him. In my case, I think I will be too broken and don’t think I would want to live again.
My eyes become teary every time I think about my teacher, who lost her life due to cancer. A teacher who made me a House Captain , a teacher who always encouraged me with her praise and criticism and a teacher who had to leave a young son behind all alone. There are times when I sit and wonder how the boy manages, even right now, when I am writing, I can’t help but wonder, how does he see his life without a mother, how does he sleep at night when he is alone, how does he accept that fact that she is gone. Indeed it is something unimaginable and something that needs courage. You need to get up and get back to work because life does not stop, and it goes on as if nothing’s changed.
Many people call me too emotional, and I guess that is why I couldn’t read “Looking for Alaska” by John Green and “For Whom the Bell Tolls” by Ernest Hemingway twice. These two are lovely books that deal with love and Death and two of the only books which made me cry like a baby. All the things mentioned in these books are not something that does not happen but reality, which we all see in our day-to-day lives.
Speaking of day-to-day life, I recall a few months back; when a friend of mine lost his father, I seriously did not know what to do or how to console him. It was the first time I was in this situation. I did not even understand whether I should call him up, and if I did, what should I say to him? During this moment, I turned towards my mother and asked her how you deal with this situation. When she guided me and was done with it, she said something that still echoes in my ear, which was, “Now you have entered the real world, and you have just seen the ultimate reality of life” Indeed.
We all try our best to protect the ones who mean the world to us, yet we have to face this. Yes, the Death of a loved one scares me, and even just the thought of it freezes my blood.